19
Jan
05

Eat Queso. Bleed Orange.

The best kept secret in college football is out. Former assistant QB coach Major Applewhite has been plucked out of the auspicious Texas program by the departing Greg Robinson to lead the fine, young Orangemen at Syracuse. Applewhite, who was a 22-8 starter at Texas, set school records for passing yards, TD passes, total offense, completions, attempts, and pretty boy Simms game “saves” on countless occasions. Not to mention that he inspired Outsports to name “the cutest quarterback award” after him (the Major Applewhite Cutest Quarterback Award goes to that player who, like The Major, best shows heart, talent, energy in the face of adversity, and that’s right, all-around “cute good looks.”) Blaine, I’m sorry to report that the beloved Kingsbury only received 3% of the vote for this career-altering adjudication in 2002.

So his helmet bobbled on his tiny, pea-like head and his small stature and propensity to wear ties and sweater vests kept him out of the NFL. While Simms is enduring the spirit-breaking insanity of Gruden football, Major still bleeds orange. He just has a more sophisticated cheese at his side out East, that’s all.

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